My dear YouTube and internet friends, as promised, I have a little more information for you about what was really happening in 2007 when I originally recorded this video! Let me start off by saying that anytime I talk about drugs, alcohol, mental illness, abuse or any of those subjects they could be a TRIGGER for some people so please read at your own discretion.
I’m posting these blogs to try to help others not make the same mistakes I did. If I would’ve had a little bit of guidance back then, things could’ve been so different. I’m not saying that I would do it over because I don’t regret much of my life but If I can stop someone from falling into the vicious cycle, I’ll try!
So back in 2007, let’s see… I was BLONDE! LOL.. Well, I was attempting to be blonde. Looking back on it, I just wanted to escape my life, my body everything. I was so lonely (even though I was in a serious monogamous relationship) I was caught up in the bartending and waitressing scene of Houston and although I had a lot of money in my pocket for my age and was living like an adult, I was still a scared young girl going through some rough times in life.
The house you see in the video was in River Oaks Shopping Center. I worked as a VIP Cocktail waitress for many years and a new place was opening up called “Vintage” which was about 5 minutes away from that house. My boyfriend (of almost 2 years) and I decided to rent the house and live together since it had a pool and a backyard for our dog. This was my very first time renting a home. In my head it was perfect!
I would repaint the cabinets, clean, decorate and start becoming domestic! I had plans to be married to this man but little did I know that I was just settling with someone that would pretty much let me do what I wanted and not ever stop me and say HEY! YOU ARE HURTING YOURSELF! STOP! He was in his own world for most of our relationship but that’s another post.
Pretty much all of my actions at that time were a huge cry for help. If you have read my post #beenrapedneverreported <—- it’s probably best that you click on it now & read that before you continue because then things will make more sense!
Working at this club “Vintage” was a dream for me. I loved my boss (still a great friend of mine to this day) my boyfriend was a bartender there so I could keep an eye on him 😉 and it was the HOTTEST place to go to on Thursdays and Sundays so it was great money! I was the head of the cocktail waitresses and pretty much made thousands of dollars a month to have fun, drink and take care of my friends that were also my clients.
I’m not going to say that I started “partying” because of this specific incident but things got out of control one night when we had a promoter throw a “Persian” party. I honestly didn’t think anything of it at first because I really didn’t associate with the Persian cliques in Houston (a little too stuck up for me) I just thought about the money I was going to be making and prayed that there would be some nice Persians there for me to party with.
The night was going so much better than I imagined. Good looking crowd, everyone was tipping incredibly and was having a really great time. As the club began to get more and more packed we started opening up different sections. The front patio was so slammed you couldn’t even walk to the bar. All my tables in the VIP were taken and serviced Las Vegas Style! No, actually better! So many other cities have horrible waitresses – another post – I digress!!
We opened the back patio and there were 6 VIP tables that were still for sale. Each table was $1000-$2500 minimum and I began walking the crowd to see who I could sell the tables too. As people began flooding in, I saw my boss and he waved me over. I walked over to him and he introduced me to one of his “friends” *Aiden – It was HIM. HIM. The HIM that LURED ME to his friends “get together,” the one that left me all alone with those sick individuals HIM!
If you have ever been victimized you know that in certain situations people automatically say “why didn’t you call the police” or “why didn’t you scream” – I couldn’t I WAS FROZEN. This was the first time in almost 4 or 5 years that I was face to face with a person that I despised. A man with no conscience, no soul, no remorse, nothing. He was responsible for the most life-altering experience in my life & changed my course in the blink of an eye.
He was going to be renting one of the tables.
I don’t know how I was able to function to be quite honest, I think I just went into WORK MODE and pushed all my thoughts to the back of my head. I grabbed another waitress and told her she would be servicing them but I would be in charge of their tab. She didn’t understand why but I told her I would give her $300 just to check in with them, so she was good.
We walked over to the service bar and I immediately ordered us two shots. At the time I was drinking Grape Vodka – Chilled – Double… She wasn’t drinking Vodka, so I drank them both myself. I know it probably sounds counter-intuitive but the reality of the situation was too hard to take without something to alter my mind. Also, let’s just say that I was doing other things to ensure that I never actually got DRUNK.
Before the group made it to their second bottle, this waitress I asked to liaison for me, was wasted. Like she got FIRED – WASTED. I would have to service the table myself. OMG. WTF. I can’t. No, I should. I should spit in their drinks! No, I should find some GHB and put it in THIER drinks. No! WTF. So many thoughts were pouring through my head, I couldn’t sort them out.
I walked over to the table and as I got closer I noticed *OMAR* (the close family friend that held me down) sitting there, HIGHER than a KITE, eyes were bugging out and jaw was jacking like crazy. He waves at me as if we were friends, and I just think to myself – THIS CAN’T BE REAL. He orders a bottle of scotch and starts calling out all his “guys” names to see if they want anything.. As they each turn their heads, I start having flashbacks of the room, the party, the voices everything. I turned around and headed to the restroom. I was going to be sick.
Before I made it to the ladies room, a man grabbed my arm. I turned to look and it was him! *Aiden was shitfaced. He asked to speak to me privately. Of course I said “no,” but he started pulling me towards a corner that was still in the crowd but not so “in the middle” of everything.
“I’m sorry man, I just want you to know that. I have a girlfriend now and you know her so please don’t mention this to her. I’m in love. It wasn’t my fault.”
That’s what he had to say?
No! That’s not the apology I needed. “I don’t accept your apology,” I said to him “tell me what you are sorry for.” It was so instantly that he changed. It was like the person apologizing was a fake version of him and the assholish/rioded out part of him appeared, since I didn’t give him what he wanted. He didn’t give af anymore. He looked at me with rage in his eyes, I felt as though he would have punched me had we been alone, and he said “F&%$ you wh*re” and walked away.
The rest of the night was a blur. Not because I was drunk (because I knew how to delicately balance my work/party life) but because I kept having to go back to the table and see these individuals that I wished would just disappear. After that night, I wasn’t the same again. I got really depressed, I wouldn’t leave my house all day. I closed off from everyone. When I got tired of keeping it in, I started going out more, every night. I would party harder, longer and spent less time re-living my pain.
If you look closely at my videos from that time, I look lost. Honestly, the reason why I was able to get out of the major depression I was in, was because I was starting to get likes and subscribers on YouTube. There were many nights I wrote my goodbye letters to my family because I didn’t think I would wake up. If it wasn’t for YouTube I wouldn’t be where I am today. It was so motivating for me because I had stopped singing for so long, I almost forgot I had a voice. YouTube gave me my voice back, and slowly I started looking for help to cope with what happened to me.
Thankfully, that was the last time I would see those guys out and about again, and about a year later, I retired from the “nightlife” scene and got my act together. I went back to school and started re-taking all the classes I never went back to after the incident. I worked hard to get my associates degree and did. Then I went on to University of Houston, University of Texas – Health Science Center in Houston and Sam Houston State University where I was able to study so many subjects. I have over 120 college credit hours in many diverse subjects from all the schools I have attended.
Just because things start out one way, doesn’t mean they have to end that way. I made a decision to change the path of my life & mistakes and all, I’m so glad I did!
Thank you for reading! I appreciate the love…. Comment below and let me know if you have experienced something similar. How did you cope?
I LOVE YOU ALL AND THANKS AGAIN FOR THE SUPPORT!